Published Thursday , on 16 March 2017, 12:09:50 by Igorora Iritararenga Dieudonne

Burya gukunda no gukundwa ni ibintu bigoye kurusha uko umuntu abitekereza, biba bisaba guhindura umuntu nawe ugahinduka ku buryo mwembi nibura umwe abona mugenzi we nk’umuntu wahoze ari inzozi ze mu kubaka urugo kuva cyera.

Kwizerana rero biraruhije ariko birashoboka ku bakundana bagamije intego yo kubana atari iby’irari ry’imibiri yabo, kuryaryana no kwiyandarika, aha turabagezaho bimwe mu byatuma muryoherwa mu rukundo kandi icyizere kikaganza.

1. Umwanya

Mu buzima, igihe/umwanya ni ingenzi, gusa urushaho kuba ingenzi cyane iyo ukozwemo iby’ingenzi kandi bifite icyerekezo kizira ubuhemu no kwiyambika icyasha.

Ku bakundana buri umwe aba akeneye ko umuha umwanya nyawo kandi ukaba ari agahebuzo kuri mwembi, iyo uhaye umwanya uhagije umukunzi wawe mubasha kumenyana bihagije kandi akabona ko ntawundi ajya aha umwanya uhagije nkawe, nawe bigufasha kwirinda ibigusha.

Iyo muhanye umwanya mu rukundo bigaragaza agaciro muhana kuko ibirangaza n’ibishuko bihora byiteguye gusenyera abakundana, kandi iyo mwahanye umwanya bituma muri mwese ntawigunga ngo abandi babe bamuhuza mugenzi we.

2. Gusangizanya gahunda

Ku bakundana by’ukuri, baba basangira gupfa no gukira kuko baba barimo gutangira urugendo rurerure cyane rwo kubana, iyo mutangiye mukingana ingabo/mugira ibyo muhishana n’ubwo waba ubona ko ari bito, bigera igihe bikagutamaza, icyari agaheri kikakubyarira ikinyoro, ukabihirwa n’urushako ugahurwa, ugata umutwe.

Ibyo bitangirira mu kudasangizanya amakuru, ukamubeshya ngo urimo kurya urimo kureba sinema, urimo kuvugana na mama kandi ari umukobwa w’inshuti yawe isanzwe cyangwa umuhungu, iyo abivumbuye abiha agaciro utakekaga, ni ho bamwe bakurizaho bavuga ko bagenzi babo bakagatiza, nyamara bigutakariza icyizere, ku buryo udakeka, iyo musangizanyije gahunda, umukunzi wawe amenya aho uri ntahangayike, iyo bibaye akamenyero arakwizera ukanyurwa ukumva uburyohe mvamutima kuko ntakwishishanya.

3. Kumugira uwa mbere muri byose

Mu mibereho ya muntu, nta n’umwe udakunda ko agira agaciro n’icyubahiro mu bantu, biba akarusho mu basangiye ubuzima bw’abakundana, iyo umukunzi wawe ahora ari uwa mbere muri wowe, umuha umwanya, ntawundi umurutisha, nta gahunda yawe atamenya, yikoza mu bicu, umutima ugatengamara akicinya icyari, akongorera ubwonko ati ’’naratomboye’’, abona n’ubwo isi yose yamureka agufite n’Imana yakumva anyuzwe n’uko muri.

Ariko shenge iyo atangiye kubona ugenda umurutisha abantu cyangwa ikintu runaka, arasuherwa agakonja, akijima ku buryo yumva isi urimo yayihunga kuko aba yumva nta cyo ari cyo adafite agaciro imbere y’uwo yimitse mu mutima we.

4. Kubahiriza gahunda mwahanye

Nk’uko umuhanga mu nyurabwenge yo gukundana (Love psychology), Margret Quin, yabikozeho ubushakashatsi, avuga ko kwica gahunda bisa no kudaha agaciro uwo mwayihanye, ubifata nk’ibintu bitereye aho, kutamwubaha kuko hari abandi wubaha wubahiriza gahunda yabo.

Aha kwica gahunda, bijyana no guhakanira mugenzi wawe ku munota wa nyuma ku byo mwumvikanye cyangwa ugatuma agutegereza umwanya munini, Dr Ben Carson, mu gitabo Thing Big, hari aho asobanura ko umuntu wica gahunda aba afite imitekerereze yo hasi, ahuzagurika no kutiyubaha kuko adaha agaciro igihe, aha agira inama abantu ko bagaharaniye icyizere, kuko umuntu uguha gahunda runaka, akagutegereza aba akubaha anaguha agaciro.

Mu gitabo cya Alain Lieury, yise Pychology General, avuga ko iyo uhinduye gahunda bitunguranye nta mpamvu ifatika, uba ukinishije ubwonko bw’umuntu, bigatuma akubona ukundi, iyo utinze kumugeraho byo, uko utinda ni ko yangirika mu mitekereze agutekerezaho nabi, uwari ugutegereje mu myambaro myiza, asusurutse ku maso ugasanga yasuherewe, akanagusuhuza byo kukwikiza, ku bakundana bikunze gushwanisha benshi, icyizere kigacyendera.

5. Gukoresha imvugo iboneye

Imvugo iboneye, ni imvugo itarimo agasuzuguro, yuje urugwiro n’ubwuzu, ku buryo uwo muvuganye atakurambirwa, yahora yumva mwaganira cyane dore ko ngo ijambo ryiza ari mugenzi w’Imana. Kuko ni yo imuruhura imihangayiko n’imihate yo ku kazi ashwana n’abakozi, na bagenzi be mu buryo butandukanye.

Iyo muri mu rukundo, mumenya ibyo buri umwe akunda, ukitwararika, kuko uwo uriwe iyo udahindutse mugikundana mubanishwa no guhirika urwanyu bidateye kabiri, umuntu ukoresha imvugo itaboneye akunze kuba ashira isoni, ahora yateguye guhanganisha ururimi no gutongana, ibi rero bikunze gusenya kuko akaburiye mu isiza ntikabonekera mu isakara.

Iyo umwe mu bakundana akoresha amagambo atiyubashye ntanabicikeho, icyizere kiraza amasinde, kubana kw’abo bantu kwagorana kuko biba ari nk’imbabura yaka ihorana ubushyuhe, kuko umwe ahora yiteguye guhangana na mugenzi we aho kuzuzanya, nk’uko abahanga mu mibanire y’imiryango Karen Savage na Patria Adams babivuga, bakomeza bavuga ko urugo rw’aba bantu umuriro uhora waka kuko n’ubwo umwe yaba yihangana gute, ko kwihangana kwa muntu kugira aho kugarukira, kandi umuntu iyo mutindanye, iyo utamuhinduye aguhindura yaba mu buryo bubi cyangwa ubwiza, biterwa n’ikiganza kurusha ikindi.

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Igorora Iritararenga Dieudonne